Thursday, June 25, 2015

10 Years. What? 10 YEARS!

Oh my wow. 10 Years. We made it to 10 years. It's funny. I've been contemplating lately what I was going to write on my social media sites to announce/brag/commemorate our 10 year wedding anniversary. (you know... because DUH, you have to post about this kind of stuff!)  I read others  lovey dovey relationship posts... I find them cute.... I find them endearing.... I find myself wondering. Do they argue? Do they fight? Do they really never go to bed mad at each other. I find myself thinking. Comparing. Envious. Happy. Depressed. Thankful. Blessed. (You get it, right?) I LOVE social media. I love it because you can share your life with family near and far, the life of your friends and reconnect with old friends and meet new friends. However, with social media, comes many posts throughout the day about peoples lives. Not too many people like to post the bad. I get it. I applaud it. I respect it. HOWEVER. The problem with "reality" now days is.... it's not really reality. It's inevitable that if you are on social media sites, you will compare yourself or your relationships to others in your newsfeed. (Some more than others). I would be lying if I said I didn't get discouraged about my marriage by comparing mine with someones FANTASTIC marriage by their "daily" relationship post. (you following?) This.... is about to get real. But sometimes, and especially in a world where marriage is so easily and casually tossed in the trash, the real needs to be told so that the comparring can turn into the "Yes, I'm not alone"

Ron and I. We couldn't be more opposite. He an introvert. Me loud and crazy. He a neatfreak. Me a walking disaster. He a germaphobe. Me... well.. I'd lick a sidewalk. We met November of 2002. A family dinner arranged by his Aunt and Uncle at my mom and step-dad house. He didn't talk to me and I went home and told my roommate he was a dork. We didn't see each other or speak until the following summer when we were both at (now say this next part with a hillbilly accent) The Jackson County Fair. (Insert a YEE_HAW here). We had both been drinking. (GASP). Funny and (kinda) cool thing is... Ron talks when he has alcohol in his system. He also dances, laughs and relaxes. We made out, went to Sharis had pie and we've been together ever since.  (Not the super awesome romantic Christian way of meeting someone... I know. But its the real part of our "us" and it worked.)

OH, and if you are still reading this. Please excuse any grammatical errors. Just like I love "social" media... I excelled at "social" high school. Not grammar class. :)

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^^^^ Okay, After waking up this morning I decided to delete a lot of the detail and writing out much more. I just want to say this. Marriage is hard. It actually downright sucks sometimes. Maybe for some people it comes easy. Falling in love with each other every day, never arguing, always sweet.... easy peasy. It's not the case for everyone. Ron and I are that "everyone". I sometimes question why God gave me Ron. He is a fantastic guy. But we have complete differen't Love Languages and more often than not it feels like a struggle. I love him so much and I know he loves me. But we have days where we just don't click. Do I throw in the towel... run down to the courthouse and file papers and start dividing assets. NO. Does he? NO. We both made a commitment on this day 10 years ago, to each other, to our family, and to God. We live in a day where divorce is so easily done, so socially accepted, where people don't call you out on your selfish behavior and tell you to buck up and figure out how to fix your relationship. I am amazed at how often I hear friends bashing on husbands, telling the woman she could do better. Instead of saying "Look, maybe your approaching it the wrong way, have you tried to talk to him this way, or have you tried this, or that. Have you looked at your own heart lately.... what's bugging you?" (is this making sense?) As immature as I can be in my marriage at times... I do know that I am mature enough to realize when I am the one being immature about an issue, or how to solve a problem.When I am letting my comparing on Facebook get in the way of building up my marriage. When my business is taking more time away from my husband and kids and I need to focus on that and step away from the computer for a day or two. Did I realize those things in the first few years of marriage.... no not really. Every person, every relationship will always be a work in progress. I am in no way a person who will sign myself or my marriage up for "role model marriage of the year" class. But I want to shovel out encouragement today, as I reflect on so many struggles and hard days (and don't get me wrong there have been a TON of great days!).

I have a lot of divorce in my family. It's ugly. Whether there are kids involved or not. It's sad and ugly. Nobody marries someone with the thought of divorce. I knew growing up that I didn't want to go thru a divorce and I especially didn't want my kids to go through one. I knew that I wanted to be able to have a 50th wedding anniversary party! I knew that I wanted to be old with my husband and be able to reflect on the life we are living now. That is why I push through the difficult days/ weeks/ months. And I'm not lying... there are months that for what seems like an entire month we just don't mesh well. But we push through and its great. And remember... Forgiveness. It's hard to forgive. from the smallest of the small to the largest of the large. Give forgiveness. I have witnessed a marriage between close friends almost die because of infidelity. But the husband offered forgiveness. And they are together still. Has it been easy for them. Not at all. Has there been healing, comfort, strength, and peace. Yes. They are teaching their children and others how to love and forgive in a very horrible circumstance. And even though biblical y a divorce would be okay. This man loved his wife and his children enough to work through the pain. I admire that. I admire them both.

I have always considered my marriage something of a legacy that I wanted to leave to my family and my children. I want them to see the commitment honored. Making it through the hard times but also creating really great times. Over the past year I would think of how I wanted to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. It started out with wanting to renew our vows. Being that it is true that I love him more now than I did on our wedding day. My vows that we have honored for 10 years would be even more powerful now than they were then. Then I wanted to renew our vows on a beach in Hawaii just the two of us and then have my mom fly over with my kids and have a vacation. The reality of that though is we both hate the heat and I strongly dislike swimsuits. ha! Then a few months ago I wanted to kidnap Ron to Nashville. (which someday I will) to currently just being happy being home building a house and celebrating our love and our legacy with (no joke) building a foundation of solid rock this weekend for our new home. :) Kind of ironic and cute all wrapped into one. As much as I love getting flowers or a cute little box with something sparkly.. I don't need it. I have what I need. I have him. We are different but he completes me.

I didn't want to leave a sappy love post. I wanted to leave something real. And leave others encouragement. Push through the hard days, change your heart, forgive, laugh, flirt, create a legacy and honor your commitment. It wasn't easy getting to 10 years. But I am so happy to be here and I am excited for the next 10!

♥♥




But just to tap into the sappy. Things I love (and hate but will someday maybe love) about Ron.
He is smart, handy to have around for fixing things, he has a great smile, I love how he laughs, how he passed out 3 different times from laughing so hard, he loves his family, he has no desire to be away from me or his kids and would be with is 24/7 if he could, he is an incredibly hard working, loves Jesus, loves my family, the way he scratches his head when he is thinking, how he crosses his arms when he stands, how he always puts his feet with mine at bedtime, how he is deathly terrified to try new food unless it is meat or potatoes, how he plays with our kids, how he loves me.