Monday, November 5, 2012

Knocked Up- 36 weeks Prego this week!

My last post was a bit of downer... Today started off good and then went cruddy. So I have decided instead of sulking I will veg out for a minute and do a fun little pregnancy questionnaire.

When are you due: December 5, 2012

How many weeks: 36!!

Was this planned or unplanned: planned

How much weight gained: 16lbs

Is this your first pregnancy?: Nope, 5th. 2nd to make it full term! :)

Latest food craving: Orange Juice, smoothies, cheese and crackers, food.

Your top two name choices or baby's name: not saying still

Worst Thing about being pregnant: squished bladder, not being able to get comfortable at bedtime, P-Spikes. (don't ask unless you really want to know) and right now being sick for 3 weeks while in the last stretch of pregnancy.

Best Thing about being pregnant: feeling life inside me, knowing that I will be holding a precious little baby in about 4-5 weeks.

The first person you told was: my friend Maria as we were out to dinner and where we were sitting she thought we had to order a beverage with alcohol in it.

Are you more scared or excited: excited and anxious.

Happy or mostly moody: moody lately

Last time you cried over something ridiculous was: Tonight

You pee an estimated __ times a day?: 35 times, SO over that!

Weirdest dream you've had since pregnant?: That I worked in the circus and wore this beautiful blue sequined gown and I taught little Jack Russel pups to jump and do tricks and drink root beer out of paper cups. I also (same dream) was the horse trainer and I danced with the horses. I would wrap my arms around the horses neck and the horse would rear up and spin me in a circle. :) Another wierd dream is I wanted to have my pictures done by Amanda K (an amazing local photographer here in southern oregon) Her and her team, along with me, broke into my old high school gymnasium that looked more like a gross car shop. We heard people and started hiding on shelves so as not to be found. It was weird.

Will you breast feed: for sure! Hopefully for the first year!

List 5 qualities you hope your baby will possess:#1.  Happiness  #2.  A good cuddler  #3.  Curious  #4.  Patient  #5.  A gooood sleeper!

What's your ideal labor experience? Having the will and energy to move around as much as possible and utilizing all the natural pain-management techniques offered by the birth center with my husband right by my side.  To have a room full of love and laughter, good energy. To be surrounded by a group of special women. And of course as fast as Dillons birth or faster! :)

Have you been talking to your baby? Playing music?: I don't talk to baby  TOO often because honestly, I feel crazy when I do that. Sometimes Dillon and I will say hello and some other little things. When I found out that baby was breech I started taping a headphone on the lower abdomen and putting on Pandora. Mostly piano music as I find it relaxing and so I listen to it as well at the end of the day. No words to the music. I can just re-center myself and focus on relaxing my body so that baby is in a relaxed environment too. The past few weeks have been stressful so I've been trying to listen to music every night. This baby LOVES music. From the worship in church to the radio on or a TV commercial. he/she will start to wiggle. I love it.

Words of wisdom : Remember to breathe and don't feel guilty to pretend you have to go pee again, just so you have a few minutes to yourself.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Where's the chocolate!!!

I'm sorry but I'm depressed and I need to vent. Read at your own risk. I'm just burnt out.

When I was pregnant with Dillon I loved being pregnant. I loved everything about it and I don't remember getting tired and ready for it to be over.

Well... I am done being pregnant with baby #2. The past month has been very stressful for me. Especially these past two weeks. I have been sick with a major chest cold, flu like symptoms and a major sinus infection. Dillon has also been sick off an on the last 2 weeks. I have had zero energy, my stomach muscles and ligaments are sore from coughing so much as is my head, my face hurts from sinus pressure, my body aches from being pregnant and sick. I'm stressed thinking that my sickness has given this baby a more stressful environment the past two weeks than what I wanted. I wanted to be on "maternity leave" as of November 1st. My plan for November was to enjoy my last month with my son, get the house in order a bit and just relax and soak in the last month of my pregnancy. This is not the case and I am heartbroken. Because of me being sick I am weeks behind on client orders, I had to reschedule a small handful of sessions for the second weekend in November which means I'll be editing for the week or two after, Ron leaves to go out of town for a week and a half this Wednesday which means I will be back to single mama status. I have absolutely nothing in my house that pertains to a newborn baby. Everything is still in the attic. I have my best friends baby shower tomorrow and I so wish I felt 100% for it. My projects for the shower I didn't start on until today because of being so sick and they turned out like crap. So I've been crying for the last 1/2 hour. (Mostly from the stress of the last couple weeks). I just want to shut my cell phone off. Put a gate at the end of my driveway lock the doors and go into a complete hibernation for the next 4 weeks. I am wiped out. Maxed out. Stressed out. :(

Sorry for being a nag. But I needed to vent a bit. Prayers would be appreciated.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Mama to 3 Angels

Today, October 15th 2012
National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

For some this may seem like another cheesy day that was created to remember people's
"embryos", "fetus" that they never saw, etc etc.

But for those that have suffered the loss of a pregnancy or an infant..
this is our day to talk about those babies.
To remember them verbally.
We remember them every day.
But we may stop talking about them because we don't want to drag others down, 
or make others feel uncomfortable.
But today... we talk. Today we openly remember them.

I, am a mama to 3 angels in heaven.
I never saw them.
But I saw their heartbeats.
They were my babies.
And I will always remember them.

Here is some info about this day.

  • Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. It is observed annually in the United States and Canada and, in recent years, in the United Kingdom and in the Australian State of New South Wales,[1] on October 15.
  • The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles at 7:00 p.m.


  • The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Movement began in the United States on October 25, 1988 when then-American President Ronald Reagan designated the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.[2]
  • The October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (PAILRD) Campaign began in 2002 as an American movement started by Robyn Bear, Lisa Brown, and Tammy Novak. Together, they petitioned the federal government, as well as the governors of each of the 50 states, and by October 15, 2002 (the first observance of PAILRD) 20 states had signed proclamations recognizing the date as such.
Read more here.

God gave me the journey for a reason.
It has helped me help others in the same situations.
But there are still days I wonder why.
You can read about my journey HERE if you want. 

We didn't name our angels.
But today (and everyday) I remember
Baby #1 Due July 2008, miscarriage at 8 weeks
Baby #2 Due July 2010, ectopic pregnancy
Baby #3 Due December 2010, miscarriage at 7 weeks

I also want to remember my friend Krystle's baby
Due July 2010, miscarriage at 10 weeks.

To Jamie and her baby girl Ava and little boy Noah

Lindsay M and her angel, miscarriage in 2011

I know there are many more friends that have angel babies
and to all of you and the families who have little ones waiting for us in Heaven.
Thoughts are going out to you today. 
And a huge virtual hug.

Baby #3 Due December 2010

Yes, I really took that many tests and more! :) Baby #3 Due December 2010, M/C 7 weeks later


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

It's not goodbye... It's see you soon....

I haven't even got through the first sentence in this post and tears are filling my eyes....

When I was younger I loved change. New car, new house, a different schedule, you name it I was for it. As I get older change is harder.

Tomorrow my baby sister. My sister I wished for, will move away to college. How the heck did it go by so fast. 12 years younger than me and not only my sister but sometimes a feeling of my own child. (I think I'm feeling some empty nest syndrome... Dillon is not allowed to grow up) 12 years younger than me, we have always been at different points in life. Not for any reason other than age and life. So many times I had wished that we could be just a couple years difference between us. Talking about boys, acting like crazy kids together, experiencing more things at the same time together. So many times I wished that she remembered when I lived at home with her. We were inseparable when I was home. She was in my bed next to me almost each night, dancing in the bedroom, swimming in the pool, relaxing in front of the TV, hanging with me and my friends.... we were with each other all the time. Then I graduated and moved out. Moved away. Came back and got caught up in life. Early 20's. Juggling young adult life, priorities, and relationships. We stayed close but nothing quite like living at home in the same house.....

I love her to pieces. I would jump in front of a train for her. She makes me so proud in everything she does. This girl that I have the very amazing privilege of calling my sister has made some of the best decisions I have ever seen someone her age make. Her outlook on life is always positive and optimistic. Her desire to reach her goals is so passionate. Her zeal for living life to the fullest is contagious when with her. She love life... and it loves her back. (yep... I'm still crying)...(I'm blaming some of the tears on exhaustion and pregnancy hormones). God has HUGE plans in store for her. His hand is upon her and I am so excited to see him work in her and guide her to her dreams. I am even more excited to be her cheerleader on the sidelines. To be a phone call away on the nights she misses home. A skype away when she needs to see a refreshing and beautiful face (bahaha!!) Always praying for her. Always encouraging her.


Dearest Gab,
Thank you. Thank you for being you. For all the smiles, all the encouragement, the hugs and all the fun pictures to hold onto while we are apart. I know it's not goodbye... it's see you soon. And as fast as time flys I know it won't be very long before we see each other again (in person cause Skype doesn't count). I hope you know how proud I am of you. I AM SO PROUD!! You have been so focused throughout your life. You have set goals and, with baby-steps and also giant leaps, have reached such amazing things at your age. You are a role model for so many people old and young. Stay focused but enjoy your time up north. Meet new people, experience some new things. But.... (yes in a motherly tone) keep your head on straight. Don't let the ways of the world sway you to try things that you know in your heart aren't good. Keep God close to your heart. Don't let your evening devotions fall away. Pray. Pray for guidance and wisdom that only He can give you. Pray for the people you encounter that you know need more of Him in their life. Be a light to them like I know you can. Pray for us at home as we are all worry-warts and will be thinking of you often and praying for you too. ;) Dad will be okay. We'll go visit him more so the house won't be so quite and he won't worry about you as much. ;) Know that we are all rootin' for ya! And know that anytime you need us we are here for you.

I love you baby sis!
♥ always

PS. I am reading a book that was suggested by my bookie friend Krystle. It's amazing. Although I will admit I picked it up only today and read bits and pieces. But I'm going to write somethings here but I am writing them to you also on paper so you have to hold. The book is The Circle Maker, Praying circles around your biggest dreams and greatest fears.

In the first chapter there is a few paragraphs that I love...
If you keep praying, you'll keep dreaming, and conversely, if you keep dreaming, you'll keep praying. Dreaming is a form of praying, and praying is a form of dreaming. The more you pray the biiger your dreams will become. And the bigger your dreams become the more you will have to pray. In that process of drawing ever-enlarging prayer circles, the sphere of God's glory is expanded.
Our date of death is not the date etched on our tombstone. The day we stop dreaming is the day we start dying. When imagination is sacrificed on the altar of logic, God is robbed of the glory that rightfully belongs to Him. In fact, the death of a dream is often a subtle form of idolatry. We lose faith in the God who gave us the big dream and settle for a small dream that we can accomplish without His help. We go after dreams that don't require divine intervention. We go after dreams that don't require prayer. And the God who is able to do immeasurably more than all our right brain can imagine is supplanted by a god -lowercase g- who fits within the logical constraints of our left brain.
Nothing honors God more than a big dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish. Why? Because there is no way we can take credit for it. And nothing is better for our spiritual development than a big dream because it keeps us on our knees in raw dependence on God. Drawing prayer circles around our dreams isn't just a mechanism whereby we accomplish great things for God; it's a mechanism whereby God accomplishes great things in us.
Is it possible for a man to dream continuously for seventy years?
If you keep drawing prayer circles, the answer is yes.
May you keep dreaming until the day you die. May imagination overtake memory. May you die young at a ripe old age.

WOW! Isn't that amazing. :) I'll let you borrow this book when I'm done with it. It's going to rock our dreaming worlds!

I love you. More than you will ever know.

See you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not re-read anything I just wrote. I was crying through most of it so I'm sure there are SO many typos. And sentences that do not belong or make any sense. :) I'm just a hormonal ball of emotions tonight. :)

Monday, September 10, 2012

27 weeks!

How far along?  27 weeks, 4 days (But who's counting)
Total weight gain/loss?  10lbs.
Maternity clothes?  Oh yes! I love them. No muffin top. Eat what I want and I don't have to unbutton my pants. ;)
Stretch marks? Yes, Left over from Mr. Dillon. And now they are looking a bit darker. Yay! (not)
Sleep?  Sleep.... I love it. But I don't get enough. And lately I've been waking up with a bad dream or just waking up wide awake.
Best moment last week? Going on a road trip with my mom to Portland and meeting some amazing photographers. Lots of movement from the baby. Some very uncomfortable and some very cool.
Movement? I feel the baby constantly. This kid is a mover. I seriously don't remember Dillon moving this much. It's cool, but I will admit there are times where it is uncomfortable and I want it to stop... but then when it's not moving I miss it.
Food cravings?  Pretzel with cheese sauce, cheese, juice, fruits, Cherry Limeade from Taco Bell, and most food. ha!
Gender? We dont know. :) :)
Labor signs? I had my first round of Braxton Hicks last week while at the conference.
Belly button in/out? Pretty shallow.... :)
What I miss: Turning over in bed without being uncomfortable and sleeping on my stomach. :) But other than that I love being prego!
What I am looking forward to: My fall baby shower. Fall is my most favorite time of year. MOST FAVE!
Milestones: Every day is a milestone. :)

Other things I wanted to note:
Smells..... I am SO sensitive to smells. At the conference someones breath was so bad I seriously thought I was going to puke. I had great seats so I didn't want to get up and leave. I remembered I had Bath & Body Works yummy lotion and I rubbed in in my nose. Much better than poop breath. :)

Mom and I stopped at Woodburn Outlets and I had to buy something..... in case it's a girl... THE cutest Red christmas dress with a black sparkle shrug. (Hey you never know) And then a cute pair of newborn stretch jeans for a boy or a girl. And a pair of UGG look a likes for a baby. I brought them home and told Dillon. "Wanna see what mama bought the baby...?" "YES!!" So I brought out the clothes and Dillon had the best response. I wish I had it on video. He got a high pitch squeal and said "OH MY GOSH mom that is SO cute, It's so small!" And then I brought out the jeans and he told me they were funny because they are so little. I love that little man, he's going to be a cool Big Brother.

To all the single moms.... I APPLAUD YOU. I have been a single mama (basically) for 6 days out of the week. (husband works out of town) It is stressful. I wish I could give all the single parents a photo session. Hugs to you all!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Friday, Friday, Friday...

Hello!!! ( this was originally wrote on friday... I forgot to post it)

1) Why do people do stupid things? Shooting innocent people... in a movie theater...   I will never understand why people do the things they do at this magnitude. It makes me scared to go in public sometimes. But it also makes me want to CCW (carry a concealed weapon) more. Just think.. if someone, had a CCW in that theater, they could have fought back. And that piece of scum would have been laying on the theater floor too. Not walking in the parking lot. Sad... Very sad...

2) Prayers would be appreciated. We had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday!! It was amazing, beautiful, comforting but a little nerve wracking. My placenta at the beginning of the US was very low. It was on top of the cervix. Which normally is NOT where you want it. It doesn't harm the pregnancy so to speak, but if the placenta stays on the cervix it blocks the baby's way out vaginally and I would have a C-Section. Luckily my placenta moved up and away from the Cervix during the ultrasound so it wasn't a concern anymore. The explanation from my (amazing) ultrasound tech is that I was most likely having a Braxton hicks contraction (normal) and it was causing the placenta to be pushed down. The contraction was over so the placenta was up. However I do have an anterior placenta which explains why I haven't really felt the baby until now. I can't remember exactly but I felt Dillon around 18 weeks. I was getting nervous that something was wrong with this baby because I wasn't feeling kicks. (I would feel a small rolling sensation and some pressure on the side but never very strong and never a "oh that was a kick!") It was just bacsuse the placenta was making an extra cushion (like a need more cushion ha!) between the baby and my belly. We did have to do a transvaginal ultrasound at the end to check on the positioning and it was noticed that there is something odd on top of my cervix. (I am so bad at repeating things medically so bear with me) There is some type of artery/vessel at the top of my cervix. It is not common and they don't know why it is there. The blood flow pattern was odd too. So according to the Perniatologist I spoke to yesterday there. She is NOT concerned at all. It does not look like it is posing a risk to anything. BUT they want to keep an eye on it. I will go back in 6 weeks for another ultrasound to check on it and hopefully find out more about it. So prayer about that would be nice as even though the Dr. says she is not concerned... I am a little. Giving it to God.

3) My friend Richelle was also my ultrasound tech. She is so sweet. and... She knows what we are having!!! So Richelle if you're reading this you can giggle at me if I am completely off! :) {HUG}  Up until the last week or two I was thinking it's a girl. But... within these last 2 weeks I've switched. I think it's a boy... Yesterday at the ultrasound Dillon came right out and said. "Is that my baby brother?" (looking at the ultrasound of my ovaries. ha!) So 20 more weeks and we'll see. We have the DVD of the US session yesterday. I told Ron we should have a gender reveal party and watch it with friends and family and we would all see what it is at the same time..... then I changed my mind. We will wait until December. :) (insert evil laugh here)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Late night, can't sleep, name game, dilema.

Naming your child is hard. Especially when everyone you know has kids.... and has chosen many of the names you wanted for your children. Not their fault at all.

When I was pregnant with Dillon and before I knew what sex he was I had one girl name chosen and not too many people that I knew had used that name. We hadn't really discussed names so it wasn't until we knew he was a boy that we put the girl name to the side and focused on boy names. I love the thought of carrying on names in the family but also wanted something original for ourselves and "our" little family. I know I wanted to use my dad's name, Michael, as my son's middle name. After all since I took Ron's last name and it will be carried on my father's name should be carried on too. We went through a dozen names before we finally decided and agreed upon, in the hospital after he was born, on Dillon Michael Lacy. I love it. His name means faithful one. It fits him, It rolls off my tongue and I love writing it.

Now here we are with baby #2 on the way. We don't know if it's a boy or girl and we won't know until she/he is here in December. (I don't want to hear the complaints ☺) The girl name I love is pulled back to the front burner.... but now a handful of people I know have daughters named this name too. I'm starting to feel like it's a "John" name. (The name John was the 1st most popular name for like 15 years on the SSA website.) ha! But I love the name. It's my mother in law's middle name and then I will use my mother's middle name for the baby's middle name. (this is if it's a girl, fingers crossed) I love that I love the names, and I love that they are family names. It's cute for a little girl and beautiful and sophisticated for a woman. I am 90% sure I will love this name forever... but 10% of me hates that it's so popular. ugh. My second and third place names for a little lady are also becoming more popular and I have 2 friends with daughters the same names.

Am I the only one who gets a little wierd-ed out about naming your kid the same as your friends kid? I always think... will they think I'm trying to copy them? Will they be offended if I used that name... even if it's been on my name list since Ron and I were married? Will my kid hate me for naming them such a popular name? Ask my sister... I am wierd when it comes to naming my kid. She hates helping me. Example: She will mention a name.... I will remember a kid from my elementary school that was rude to girls and I will be completely against the name. Example: She will mention a name... I will remember a girl with that name that picked her nose and ate her boogers and I will be completely against the name. Basically if there is one gross, bad, annoying moment, movie with a bad guy named "that"... I am against the name. This makes it difficult.

Tonight I decided to get online and start making a list of names I like. I started making my girl list. The list I am so in love with right now and really hope I get to choose from in December. So far I have 10 names and I'm still adding. Then I think... well what if it's a boy.... Here's where the major dilema starts for me.... (sorry if I offend any family members. Write your congressman if you are. ha!)

Boy names.... on Ron's side of the family..... are outdated and to me.... not cool. Boy names on my side of the family.... I already used my dad. Every other guy on his side of the family is kind of a DB or I don't like the name. My grandpa, my mom's dad, has a cool middle name but it's also my brothers middle name and since I used my dad's name I don't want to take my grandpa's middle name in case my brother and his wife decide to have kids and want to use it. (did that make any sense) As of 1:24AM I am thinking (besides the thought that I should be in bed asleep) that I will use Ron's middle name. 

Examples of Ron's family being: Ralph, Larry, Captolia, Harry, Ira...... do you see my point.  These names all fit the personalities of the men who carried them... but they don't fit well with me and the names I am choosing for boys. Examples of my side of the family being: Fred, Samuel (I love that name, but it's my brother's name too and he may want to use it on his kids so I'm leaving that one untouched)......

So here I sit. Wondering why I'm even fretting about this, I am only 17 weeks and have several months to figure it out. But still freaking out that I only have one boy name written down and I really don't even like it.

ALSO I want to add that when your last name is the same as your first name (my name is Lacie Lacy) it makes naming your kid harder because even though I have lived with the name for 7 years now... it still is silly. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

Week 15 (and 4 days) ;)

pregnancy questionnaire 14 weeks

How far along? 15 weeks and 4 days

How big is baby? According to the pregnancy ap on my phone. The baby is the size of an apple. About 41/2 inches and weighs 1/4lb.

Total weight gain/loss: I am up about 5-8lbs since my per-pregnancy weight. (Much different than the 10-15 lbs I lost with Dillon in my first trimester because of food aversions) I'm not worried about weight though. :) I eat good. And the baby is healthy.

Maternity clothes? Exclusively pants. I love my secret fit belly maternity pants. It's good to let the belly be relaxed and I feel comfy. That's what matters! 

Sleep: I sleep on my stomach and I love it. I am sure that will end soon though as I am starting to feel the bump. :) bummer!

Best moment this week: Dillon is in love with his future baby sister or brother. He likes to put his hands on my belly and I pretend to push my belly out and say the baby is playing with him. He also kisses my belly a few times throughout the day. Yesterday he started telling my what he can't wait to do when his brother or sister is here. Like play monster trucks and ride bikes. :) I love it.

Movement: Every now and then I think I feel a little flutter but I'm not 100% for sure so I kind of "forget about it" :) I've heard/read that you can sometimes feel the baby this early with your second. I am sure within the next couple weeks I'll start to feel her/him.

Food cravings: I haven't really had a specific craving. I like all food.

Food Aversions: None really.

Gender: As of now we are NOT finding out the sex of the baby.

Labor Signs: NONE!! And hopefully not for a long time!!

Pregnancy Symptoms: Round ligament pain if I go from a squatting to standing position to fast. Tired and a heavy belly.

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: Not much.  Just energy I guess.

What I am looking forward to: Buying some new baby stuff. (Car seat, stroller, cloth diapers,diaper bag especially)

Upcoming appointments/events:  My middle of the road and last ultrasound in about 4 weeks.

Weekly Wisdom: It's your birth, do what feels most comfortable and don't worry about anyone else.

Milestones: None really this week other than of course... making it to week 15!

Bump Picture: coming soon. :)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Midwifery and a Birth Center

*Disclaimer- I may spell some things incorrectly. I don't know how to use punctuation correctly all the time. I may include many run on and on sentences. And I may write in circles and loose you a bit. BUT you'll learn something new either about someone or someplace. :) 
 Hopefully you have read the previous post. If not than go there now. :) CLICK HERE
 In my previous post I mentioned that I had a midwife..... 

....and I will be giving birth NOT in a hospital but at Trillium Water Birth Center.

I first heard about Trillium Water Birth Center when they opened in January of 2011. And "liked" their page on facebook. I wasn't even thinking about my future births because I was in the moment of just trying to get knocked up! It wasn't until I read more and spoke with a friend who delivered with Trillium and their team of midwives that I decided I would consider midwifery with my next pregnancy. This same friend is Melissa Cate, the main birth photographer at Trillium Water Birth Center. I am her backup photographer. 
I went to Trillium and had a tour of the facility and was able to meet Augustine. She has such a warm and gentle spirit about her and most of all relaxed but bubbly. She's a person who you can't help but just feel like her friend. We chatted for a bit and then left. I was on call in March for births while Melissa was out of town. One of the mama's went into labor. It was a long labor and I was at the birth center for quite awhile. Being at the birth center gave me hours upon hours of firsthand observation on how Augustine and the midwives at Trillium work through Labor & Delivery. WOW! Talk about incredible. The support these 3 women gave to this mama was great! All of them were so calm and collected and knowledgeable. The atmosphere at the birth center is calming and the way these women interact with the mama makes it even more peaceful and respectful for the mom in labor. They talked with her about what her body was doing, made sure she was comfortable, had a warm bath drawn for her, candles lit, and her music playing. The baby was monitored with a hand held Doppler and the charts were kept. When not in the room the midwives were very communicative as to how the mom was doing, the labor itself, and how each one of them was doing. The laid low and let the mom and dad have their space and let her labor get further along  on it's own. :) Once labor progressed to the point of "the baby is coming soon". The midwives were in the room present but not "up in the moms face". They spoke softly, they monitored gently, they were present. Once it was time for pushing Augustine stepped up to the plate and helped the mom and dad deliver their healthy and beautiful baby girl. It was beautiful on SO many levels. And I knew then that this would be a huge consideration for me when I become pregnant.
(Let's pause for a moment. I want to throw a few bullet points out there) ☺
*If you love hospitals... I still love you.
*If you love being drugged up and laughing your way through your labor... :) We're still friends for always. 
*If you think this birth center approach is too "crunchy" sounding for you. I still love you but I think you should read into it a lot more. :)
*I had a great pregnancy with my son and his birth was an all natural hospital birth and I loved everything about it. I wanted an all natural birth with him and I want an all natural birth with this baby too. And I feel the best place for me is OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
*I have researched both the hospital/OB-GYN route and the Midwifery/Birth Center route. I feel for me this is the best route.
Okay back to the "story"
Low and behold I became pregnant at the end of March. I was so early so there was no need to make my decision of where I was going to seek care. So I prayed about it for several weeks. I continued my appointments at the OB/GYN office I had been attending for the last 7 years. But something just didn't feel right. I didn't feel comfortable there. Don't get me wrong there is an amazing staff there and I owe a lot of thanks to them. (I'm going to have a Grammy award thank you moment for a sec) A HUGE thank you to my infertility doctor Julie, she is amazing and I love her dearly for helping me in the fertility department, for delivering my son in 2008 and respecting my birth plan to have it all natural. (She no longer delivers babies, enter sad face here) Dr. Kim Larsen and her nurse Toni for helping me get knocked up! (They administered my IUI) :) And for Carrie for doing such a great job in drawing my blood SO MANY FREAKING TIMES. :) (and end speech) :) Knowing that none of these people would be my OB/GYN and delivering my baby left me feeling a bit lost. I knew out of all the doctors there that were delivering babies I wasn't to keen on being their patient. (For my own personal reasons, nothing bad, just my choice) My mind kept going back to Augustine and the birth center. Knowing that this is possibly my last pregnancy I was interested in trying out the other end of the spectrum (spectrum not speculum) ha! I wanted to know what it felt like to not wait for 30 minutes in a waiting room, to have an hour long appointment with women who really want to get to know YOU and YOUR desires for your pregnancy. I gave into my curiosity and scheduled an "interview" with my husband and I and the midwives at Trillium. Ron, Dillon and I (Yes I said my 3 year old son Dillon. They have in their meeting room a whole play area for the kiddos. He was in heaven and we had a great meeting with no screaming) We met on comfy couches and were served hot tea and crumpets. (joking about the crumpets, but I did get a great cup of pregnancy tea) We met with Augustine and Amy and a small handful of other midwife students. We met for a little over an hour and chatted like old friends, talked about the birth, talked about other births, my previous pregnancies and so much more. Ron was able to ask questions that were of concern to him and we both left feeling like this was the place. I canceled my appointments at my OB/GYN office and had my records faxed to Trillium Waterbirth Center. :) :) I continued some research, continued to pray that I was making the right decision, and watched the movie The Business of Being Born (I suggest everyone watch this who is interested or curious even the tiniest bit about midwifery) And I can honestly say that I am so at peace with my decision. Yes I miss a few of the ladies at the OB/GYN office but thankfully we are friends on facebook so I can still stay in touch with them! :)
It's 11:30 at night and I am so tired so I feel like this post is rambling on and not making much sense. So forgive me because I am not going to proofread it before I hit publish! ha!

Before I sign off for the night I want to go through my first two prenatal appointments with Trillium.

I know that I have forgotten some things I wanted to put into here. But please go to this link and there is a huge amount of Question and Answers and I found it very helpful when considering Trillium! 

Please know that if you would like to ask my ANY questions regarding my journey with infertility, birth, this choice I am an open book. You can email me at or comment here. 

Thank you for reading!!

Saturday, June 2, 2012


Wow, Here I am.

I have been holding off waiting to write this blog post. So much fear, trying to trust in God and give this journey to Him. So often I get excited and forget to give thanks and pray.

I am SO happy and SO relieved to announce

Ron and I along with some doctors have gotten me knocked up! As I am writing this I am 11 weeks pregnant and by the time you read it I will be 13 weeks!!! Here's how it all happened...

In February I explained to my fertility doctor that I would like to try an IUI. IUI stands for Intro Uterine Insemination. (This is not IVF, In-Vitro Fertilization) IUI is the process of me testing my ovulation, calling my doctors office when I have a positive OPK (ovulation Predictor stick/kit), I then "collect" my husbands "goods" and since we live so far away I put on my blue and pink lighted siren, slap the sperm in transport sticker on my car and drive like a mad women to the other side of town. (Just joking) But I do have to get the "goods" to the office within 30 minutes. So it does call for some speeding. Once at the doctor I hand over the "goods" and wait in the waiting room for 40 minutes. In my case I went back out to my car with Ron and Dillon to take my mind off the process for a sec. In this 40 minutes the nurse washes the "goods" with a saline and seperates the good guys from the bad guys. After 40 minutes I go into the office. (The following may be TMI for guys to read and prudent ladies) ;) I go into the exam room, hoist my legs up into the oh so comfy stirrups. The doctor slips a catheter into my body and places it at the base of the uterus. (This saves the little swimmers an exhausting trip up vagina I-5 and hopefully get's them to the egg!) She injects the "goods" and we're done. (seriously a less than 5 minute procedure and completely painless) She hands me a magazine and I lay on the table with my hips elevated for 30 minutes. Then go home and wait.

That procedure was done on March 16th! I waited.... and waited... wondering if this costly little procedure was going to work or if we were going to have to keep on trying. I was feeling positive. That week I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. 3 days prior I had tested positive on an OPK and then negative on 2 more sticks with the same cup of U. Called my doctor and they said most likely it was a negative and to test the next day. I was frustrated. I had been on fertility drugs since November, still not pregnant, exhausted from tracking and trying. I was feeling burnt out. I remember I prayed and told God I was done. I didn't test the next day, or the day after. But that Friday I felt like I should. So I did. I tested + on 4 OPK sticks. Called the doctor. They were leaving the office for the day in an hour. So we rushed, got there, did the IUI and left. The weekend went great. It was St. Pattys day weekend and I WAS feeling lucky. I felt like everything had fallen into place.

I tested 11 days after the IUI and had a POSITIVE pregnancy stick!! I cried. I mean I CRIED!!! I was getting into the shower and I cried uncontrollably and just kept praying. I couldn't stop giving thanks that the procedure worked. And then.... I was terrified!!!! Oh my gosh. here I am pregnant... for the 5th time. and 3 of those times ended between 7-8 weeks. I am technically 11 days past the IUI and 4-5 weeks pregnant. I have SO long to go before I'm "out of the woods" called the first trimester. In the past we have told our family right away. I announce it to the facebook world and only 1 time out of 4 I didn't have to share the bad news of loosing the baby. This time I decided I didn't want to tell anybody. I wanted to focus on my emotional and physical health without the calls and questions of "how are you doing?" "are you taking it easy?" "what are the doctors saying". It was a nice choice that I would not change. I really focused on giving thanks to God and asking for his protection over this pregnancy. To help me overcome my fear and anxiety. And though I still have my days of feeling uncertain I have been pretty at peace with this pregnancy. In the last 2 weeks we have told our mother's)

I have been extremely tired with this pregnancy, nauseous if I am not eating, so needless to say I eat constantly and will probably get ginormous. I have had a ton of round ligament pain, Which I had with almost all of my pregnancies. And the best is we had a GREAT ultrasound at 8 1/2 weeks and I saw a strong heartbeat and a little head and leg buds, yesterday at my midwives (tell you about that in another post) appointment Augustine found the heartbeat!! Strong!!! I was so relieved and so excited!

So that is where we are at right now! 11 weeks (tomorrow, Friday the 18th) and my plan is to announce to our family and friends at my 30th birthday party on June 1st!) I will be 13 weeks.