Tuesday, September 18, 2012

It's not goodbye... It's see you soon....

I haven't even got through the first sentence in this post and tears are filling my eyes....

When I was younger I loved change. New car, new house, a different schedule, you name it I was for it. As I get older change is harder.

Tomorrow my baby sister. My sister I wished for, will move away to college. How the heck did it go by so fast. 12 years younger than me and not only my sister but sometimes a feeling of my own child. (I think I'm feeling some empty nest syndrome... Dillon is not allowed to grow up) 12 years younger than me, we have always been at different points in life. Not for any reason other than age and life. So many times I had wished that we could be just a couple years difference between us. Talking about boys, acting like crazy kids together, experiencing more things at the same time together. So many times I wished that she remembered when I lived at home with her. We were inseparable when I was home. She was in my bed next to me almost each night, dancing in the bedroom, swimming in the pool, relaxing in front of the TV, hanging with me and my friends.... we were with each other all the time. Then I graduated and moved out. Moved away. Came back and got caught up in life. Early 20's. Juggling young adult life, priorities, and relationships. We stayed close but nothing quite like living at home in the same house.....

I love her to pieces. I would jump in front of a train for her. She makes me so proud in everything she does. This girl that I have the very amazing privilege of calling my sister has made some of the best decisions I have ever seen someone her age make. Her outlook on life is always positive and optimistic. Her desire to reach her goals is so passionate. Her zeal for living life to the fullest is contagious when with her. She love life... and it loves her back. (yep... I'm still crying)...(I'm blaming some of the tears on exhaustion and pregnancy hormones). God has HUGE plans in store for her. His hand is upon her and I am so excited to see him work in her and guide her to her dreams. I am even more excited to be her cheerleader on the sidelines. To be a phone call away on the nights she misses home. A skype away when she needs to see a refreshing and beautiful face (bahaha!!) Always praying for her. Always encouraging her.


Dearest Gab,
Thank you. Thank you for being you. For all the smiles, all the encouragement, the hugs and all the fun pictures to hold onto while we are apart. I know it's not goodbye... it's see you soon. And as fast as time flys I know it won't be very long before we see each other again (in person cause Skype doesn't count). I hope you know how proud I am of you. I AM SO PROUD!! You have been so focused throughout your life. You have set goals and, with baby-steps and also giant leaps, have reached such amazing things at your age. You are a role model for so many people old and young. Stay focused but enjoy your time up north. Meet new people, experience some new things. But.... (yes in a motherly tone) keep your head on straight. Don't let the ways of the world sway you to try things that you know in your heart aren't good. Keep God close to your heart. Don't let your evening devotions fall away. Pray. Pray for guidance and wisdom that only He can give you. Pray for the people you encounter that you know need more of Him in their life. Be a light to them like I know you can. Pray for us at home as we are all worry-warts and will be thinking of you often and praying for you too. ;) Dad will be okay. We'll go visit him more so the house won't be so quite and he won't worry about you as much. ;) Know that we are all rootin' for ya! And know that anytime you need us we are here for you.

I love you baby sis!
♥ always

PS. I am reading a book that was suggested by my bookie friend Krystle. It's amazing. Although I will admit I picked it up only today and read bits and pieces. But I'm going to write somethings here but I am writing them to you also on paper so you have to hold. The book is The Circle Maker, Praying circles around your biggest dreams and greatest fears.

In the first chapter there is a few paragraphs that I love...
If you keep praying, you'll keep dreaming, and conversely, if you keep dreaming, you'll keep praying. Dreaming is a form of praying, and praying is a form of dreaming. The more you pray the biiger your dreams will become. And the bigger your dreams become the more you will have to pray. In that process of drawing ever-enlarging prayer circles, the sphere of God's glory is expanded.
Our date of death is not the date etched on our tombstone. The day we stop dreaming is the day we start dying. When imagination is sacrificed on the altar of logic, God is robbed of the glory that rightfully belongs to Him. In fact, the death of a dream is often a subtle form of idolatry. We lose faith in the God who gave us the big dream and settle for a small dream that we can accomplish without His help. We go after dreams that don't require divine intervention. We go after dreams that don't require prayer. And the God who is able to do immeasurably more than all our right brain can imagine is supplanted by a god -lowercase g- who fits within the logical constraints of our left brain.
Nothing honors God more than a big dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish. Why? Because there is no way we can take credit for it. And nothing is better for our spiritual development than a big dream because it keeps us on our knees in raw dependence on God. Drawing prayer circles around our dreams isn't just a mechanism whereby we accomplish great things for God; it's a mechanism whereby God accomplishes great things in us.
Is it possible for a man to dream continuously for seventy years?
If you keep drawing prayer circles, the answer is yes.
May you keep dreaming until the day you die. May imagination overtake memory. May you die young at a ripe old age.

WOW! Isn't that amazing. :) I'll let you borrow this book when I'm done with it. It's going to rock our dreaming worlds!

I love you. More than you will ever know.

See you soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not re-read anything I just wrote. I was crying through most of it so I'm sure there are SO many typos. And sentences that do not belong or make any sense. :) I'm just a hormonal ball of emotions tonight. :)

Monday, September 10, 2012

27 weeks!

How far along?  27 weeks, 4 days (But who's counting)
Total weight gain/loss?  10lbs.
Maternity clothes?  Oh yes! I love them. No muffin top. Eat what I want and I don't have to unbutton my pants. ;)
Stretch marks? Yes, Left over from Mr. Dillon. And now they are looking a bit darker. Yay! (not)
Sleep?  Sleep.... I love it. But I don't get enough. And lately I've been waking up with a bad dream or just waking up wide awake.
Best moment last week? Going on a road trip with my mom to Portland and meeting some amazing photographers. Lots of movement from the baby. Some very uncomfortable and some very cool.
Movement? I feel the baby constantly. This kid is a mover. I seriously don't remember Dillon moving this much. It's cool, but I will admit there are times where it is uncomfortable and I want it to stop... but then when it's not moving I miss it.
Food cravings?  Pretzel with cheese sauce, cheese, juice, fruits, Cherry Limeade from Taco Bell, and most food. ha!
Gender? We dont know. :) :)
Labor signs? I had my first round of Braxton Hicks last week while at the conference.
Belly button in/out? Pretty shallow.... :)
What I miss: Turning over in bed without being uncomfortable and sleeping on my stomach. :) But other than that I love being prego!
What I am looking forward to: My fall baby shower. Fall is my most favorite time of year. MOST FAVE!
Milestones: Every day is a milestone. :)

Other things I wanted to note:
Smells..... I am SO sensitive to smells. At the conference someones breath was so bad I seriously thought I was going to puke. I had great seats so I didn't want to get up and leave. I remembered I had Bath & Body Works yummy lotion and I rubbed in in my nose. Much better than poop breath. :)

Mom and I stopped at Woodburn Outlets and I had to buy something..... in case it's a girl... THE cutest Red christmas dress with a black sparkle shrug. (Hey you never know) And then a cute pair of newborn stretch jeans for a boy or a girl. And a pair of UGG look a likes for a baby. I brought them home and told Dillon. "Wanna see what mama bought the baby...?" "YES!!" So I brought out the clothes and Dillon had the best response. I wish I had it on video. He got a high pitch squeal and said "OH MY GOSH mom that is SO cute, It's so small!" And then I brought out the jeans and he told me they were funny because they are so little. I love that little man, he's going to be a cool Big Brother.

To all the single moms.... I APPLAUD YOU. I have been a single mama (basically) for 6 days out of the week. (husband works out of town) It is stressful. I wish I could give all the single parents a photo session. Hugs to you all!